Grief: 5 Steps To A Healed You

Dear Reader,

You look pretty today. I’m proud of how you found the energy to wake up from the bed and dress up. Your effort shows, and I am happy that you did that. But behind your masked happiness, I see the broken you drowned in grief. I do. I wish someone else had told me this when I was grieving and supported me, but hey, I am here for you. So, let me take you through the 5 ways you can overcome this sadness that weighs you down. Just remember, you are not alone in this. It is not your fault that you have to go through this trauma. You and I, we’re both going to get out of this.

Step 1: Ask better questions

Stop! Stop asking yourself why they left or why it had to end.

I, too, have often found myself at the mercy of others and their approval of my being. I have often wondered what it would be like to be loved unconditionally and without any conscious effort. How would it feel to have a heart that beats for your safety and prays for you, without any expectation or return, to feel the soft touch of kindness that is not glazed with abuse and does not reek of torment? I have often thought about why feelings change overnight. How do we find it in ourselves to become so careless with the people we love or loved, only yesterday?

But stop tormenting yourself with these questions. Instead, ask yourself how you will get out of this. How can you smile today? How can you share that smile with another grieving heart? How can you help the souls around you?

Ask yourself better questions.

Step 2: It’s okay to feel insecure

Grief isn’t a linear equation. It is like your heartbeat. Sometimes, it will rush, and you’d feel that this is your last heartbeat, while other times, the numbness will leave you surprised. As a consequence of grief, I find it hard, if not outrightly impossible, to devour myself in absolute goodness. I remain skeptical of emotions and their frailty, especially when I see an innocent child placing their trust in a loved one while swinging in a park. What would it be like to have someone look after you all the time, watch over you, like a Fairy Godmother in the fairytales I grew up reading and believing in.

Step 3: Do you have a Fairy Godmother?

The world lies when they tell you that a fairy godmother is a lie. She exists.

If I had a Godmother, she’d open her loving embrace to me every time a part of me broke because someone decided that they had nothing to do with that part that loved and cherished them. She’d tell me that things will make sense because God is a meticulous story maker and has a better middle and an amazing end in store for me. She’d tell me that I should always remain what I am – good, even if the world convinces me to be otherwise. She’d make the birds sing, roses bloom, flowers dance, and the music last. Unfortunately, I was born without one, without my light at the end of the miserably dark tunnel, gnawing at my bare soul.

But can I look for one? Even if I was born without one, can I find a Godmother of my own? The answer is yes.

Step 4: Reach out to the Fairy inside you!

Despite the brewing storm of resentment behind my eyes, in the memory of a lost loved one and many loved ones, I wish, with all my being, that young girl find a reason to believe in fairytales, Godmothers, and a happily ever after because they deserve nothing less than magic, love, and happiness.

Reach out to the Fairy inside you as I did! Reach out to me and see the seeds of healing sprouting into budding flowers.

Step 5: Walk towards healing

The first step is the most difficult, and that is the one that matters the most. If you ask me, I’d tell you that the walk of grief is a soul-wrenching process. You will break. Every day. But even on those days, if you have the power of healing words and the support of a healing partner, you’d make it through those rainy days. In the end, remember, we attract what we believe in. To heal, surround yourself with healing words. Surround yourself with people who lift your soul.

Let your heart shine through your smile, and grief guides you through the darkness. You are worthy of all the goodness the world has to offer. All you have to do is reach out and get it.